Ep.82 Demons in Your Choir | When You Become Your Own Worst Enemy

Have you ever felt like you were your own worst enemy right when something good was about to happen? You've done the work. You know the tools. And the second you go to launch, create, or put yourself out there, a voice shows up and tells you it's not going to work, that you're not enough, that you're not worthy.

This episode is about that voice, and about the anxiety that rides in on it. I walk you through a weekend where a concert cracked me wide open, and the very next day I couldn't access any of it. I was crying in the car, completely stuck in my own head, and it's the most honest example I've got of how this works.

I've lived the version of this where I was begging someone to pull me out of the fire. Nobody came, so I learned how to do it myself, and now I help other women do the same.

So let me tell you what happened on that drive home.

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Top Takeaways on Anxiety, Self-Doubt, and Feeling Not Enough

1. The "not enough" voice gets loudest right before you launch something that matters

I went to a Red Clay Strays concert in a huge arena, thousands of people, and it honestly felt like church. The lead singer sings like a man who's been through hell and come back from it. I could feel it vibrating through the whole room. It moved me in a way I did not expect.

Then the next day, I couldn't access any of it.

I have an event coming up, and every time I launch something, my subconscious programs show up. Not enough people have signed up. It's not going to work. Who am I to be doing this? And if this isn't what I'm supposed to be doing, who am I after everything I've been through and turned around?

On that hour and a half drive home, it all came up at once. I was crying and trying to hide it. Kevin looked over and asked what was going on, and the only honest answer I had was, "I'm having trouble finding God today."

Having the awareness and the tools doesn't make you immune. It just means you can see it faster.

Has there ever been something you didn't pursue because a voice told you it wouldn't work?

2. Those thoughts aren't the truth. They're demons in your choir.

Here's the part that gave me chills. On that exact drive home, a song came on called "Demons in Your Choir." The irony was not lost on me.

To me, the demons in your choir are the thoughts and fears in your head that take over. They keep you from connecting to a good-feeling thought, a higher frequency, the divine, the universe, whatever word you use. I was present that day, but I was present with all the bullshit going on in my head, and I couldn't tap into my greatness.

So what if the thoughts telling you you're not enough aren't the truth? What if they're just loud voices that don't actually belong to you?

Naming them, pointing them out, targeting them, is the very thing that starts to quiet them. Those are lies, and you get to call them that.

3. The company you keep includes the voices in your own head

This is where the song really got me. It talks about the company you keep, and I think about that on two levels.

The first is the people around you. If you're surrounded by judgment, comparison, shame, and guilt, even when it isn't said out loud and just comes out in the way someone talks, what thoughts are you creating in your own mind based on that?

The second is what you take in every day. I used to think subliminal programming was some little voice in a movie that you could only hear at a certain level. It's not. It's in the content we let ourselves receive every single day: social media, the news, comparison, judgment.

When your mind is full of fear-based, lying thoughts, of course you feel lonely and disconnected. You're surrounded by voices that don't actually love you.

Would you keep hanging out with someone who validated everything you're not?

4. Sometimes you're the only one who can pull you out, so you have to learn to advocate for yourself

This is the work I do for others, and sadly, it's the work I had to do for myself, because there was never really anyone in my life who could pull me out and save me.

I was at my Warrior Women workout the other day and the drop-in conversation was about legacy. The question was who has really been there to help you realize who you are. My honest answer was no one. It's been me, the constant advocate for myself.

That's exactly why I do this podcast. I share my pain in the hope that it resonates, so other women can learn to pull themselves out too.

Sometimes you are your own savior. And I want to be clear that I'm not saying that to sound tough. I'm saying it because it's true, and because it's okay to need someone else in the mix too.

If you've been the only one in your corner for a long time, how many more days, months, or years are you going to keep doing it alone?

5. Feel it to heal, then reach for one better feeling thought

I didn't force myself out of it that day. I let myself cry. I needed to feel all of it.

That matters because this episode isn't about bypassing the hard feelings. We feel it so it can come to the surface and be let go of. When we push emotions down because they're hard to feel, where do they go? They fester in the body, and then we wonder why we have certain diagnoses or discomforts showing up.

The goal was never to stop feeling the demons. The goal is to stop staying seated with them permanently.

And when you can't reach for freedom, awe, or presence, you don't have to. Sometimes the next best feeling thought is just, "I'm grateful I woke up today," or "I have a home to go to and my bills are paid."

How long are you going to stay stuck? Days? Months? Years? Until it's just your personality?

How to Quiet the Voice Telling You You're Not Enough

Here's what I actually want you to take into your week, straight from what got me out of that car ride.

Step 1: Name the demons

What are the specific fears and thoughts singing in your head right now? Not the vague anxious feeling. The actual lines. "It's not going to work." "I'm not enough." Say them out loud if you can.

Step 2: Be honest about where you are

I had to admit, in the moment, that I was having trouble finding God. You don't have to fix it yet. Just stop pretending you're fine.

Step 3: Let yourself feel it

Cry if you need to. Repressing the emotion doesn't change anything. It only moves it somewhere else in your body.

Step 4: Reach for one better feeling thought

Not a miracle. Just the next best one you can find. I'm grateful I'm with my family. I'm grateful I woke up today.

Step 5: Check the company you're keeping

Look at the people around you and what you're scrolling. Are they validating who you actually are, or who the fear says you are?

And here's one loving truth. You don't have to do all five steps perfectly, or in one day. Keep reaching, even when you can't get there right this second.

Common Patterns to Watch For

• •Staying seated with the demons until it becomes your personality. If you don't have the tools or the awareness to pull yourself out, days turn into months, and months turn into years of this being just who you are.
• •Pushing the feeling down. It feels easier in the moment, but the emotions don't disappear, they just move into your body.
• •Keeping company that validates who you're not. Whether it's people, social media, or the news, if it's feeding comparison and judgment, it's feeding the choir.
• •Waiting for someone to save you. Sometimes the person who shows up is you, and it's okay to ask for help along the way.

None of these make you broken. They're just patterns, and patterns can change.

I would love to hear. Send me a DM and tell me what song you'd want your mind to sing.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

• The Red Clay Strays and their song "Demons in Your Choir"
• My recent episode on connecting to God as awe, presence, joy, and love — Episode 80
• The FUCK Anxiety podcast for more episodes
• Your free tool: If your head is loud right now, start with the Free 5 Minute Nervous System Reset. It's a guided meditation you can use the second the voices get loud, so you can step out of the choir before it takes over your day.
• If you are ready to go deeper, let's map it out together. Book a Freedom Roadmap Session. No pitch. No pressure. Just clarity.

You're not broken. You're not behind. And you're not alone. If you made it here, that means something.

love you, Sari