Ep.83 How To Stop Living in Fear | Build Trust Daily

If your mind goes straight to the worst case and it feels like a fact, this one is for you.

This week on FUCK Anxiety I'm talking about how to stop living in fear, and the thing nobody tells you about it. Fear isn't uncertainty. Most of the time, it's conviction. You're not unsure the worst will happen. You're certain.

I know because I lived it. Some of my worst panic attacks happened in the car, and right in the middle of one I'd think, if I pulled over and tried to wave someone down, no one would stop for me. I had lost my faith that anyone would come. This episode is me walking you through what that belief was really made of, and what started to change when I felt held by something bigger than me.

Let's get into it.

Listen to the full episode here

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Top Takeaways on Anxiety, Fear, and Trust

1. You can have total conviction in your fears

Some of my worst panic attacks happened in the car. And I used to think, if I pulled over right now and tried to wave someone down, no one would stop for me. No one would come to my aid. No one would help me. I'd just be stuck.

That scared the shit out of me, because I had lost my faith in humanity. I had lost faith that there would be anyone to help.

Here's what I couldn't see back then. I wasn't uncertain. I was certain. I had conviction that I was going to have another panic attack. I had conviction that I'd be left alone and the world wouldn't come. In so many of my panic attacks I was sure I was having a stroke or a heart attack, that my body was betraying me.

My mom is a good example too. She watches world news every day, she's certain the world is going to shit, and she will fight you about it. That certainty just moves more worry, more doubt, more judgment, more heaviness.

Conviction isn't automatically good. It depends what it's rooted in, and it's the same mechanism as radiance, just a completely different fuel.

So what are you absolutely certain about right now? And is it serving you?

2. Fear-rooted conviction creates a small life

I used to tell people that what I do for a living is create imagery for them. Picture a woman walking into a room. Her head is held high. She's radiant, confident, beautiful, with grace and presence. She's magnetic. She looks you deep in the eyes and notices you, and she isn't above anyone. She's the same as you. But she's radiating.

And this isn't woo-woo. It's a felt sense. Everybody knows it, because you've either felt it yourself or felt it from someone else.

What looks like confidence on the surface is a deep-rooted certainty. Something has her back. When you carry the belief that something is holding you at all times, it's not arrogance. It's support.

Now flip it. When our conviction is rooted in fear and our subconscious programming, we radiate that too, and people feel it. It shows up as neediness, control, tension, heaviness, or annoyance. You've walked into a room where the energy is just off. That's what this is.

Fear-rooted conviction creates a small life, a life that never touches the dreams you've held for yourself.

Have you ever felt someone's energy shift a room, in either direction?

3. We are rewarded by being courageous

This summer my husband Kevin and I watched a series on Prime Video called House of David. I highly recommend it. If you know the Bible story, David is a poor shepherd, overlooked by his family, not the most desirable of his brothers. But even out there with his sheep, he knows in his body that he has more of a purpose. He speaks to God. He trusts God.

In one of the first scenes, a lion is threatening his flock and his family, and he goes after it and kills it. And in that moment, he's fucking terrified. But he knows God is going to support him. By willing himself into courage, God supports him even more.

Later he walks into the king's tent, not a warrior, just a little shepherd, and tells the king he's going to slay the giant. Everybody laughs. They think he's crazy. But his conviction is so strong that the king says he can feel David's spirit in the room, and he lets him go. David was scared as fuck. He was also so certain God had his back, and he'd already survived the lion.

We are rewarded by being courageous. And conviction is infectious. When someone truly believes, everyone around them feels it. It moves rooms, it moves people, it moves mountains.

What are you choosing to believe in right now? We always have a choice.

4. You were never facing it alone

One of my biggest core fears and belief systems was that I was alone and no one would ever come to my aid. That belief was the root of so much of my fear.

When distrust is running the show, when the belief is that it's not going to work out, that I'm the only one in control and the only one who can decide how this goes because no one else is there, everything looks enormous. We take on everything ourselves because we think we're the only ones standing between us and the worst case scenario.

But as soon as I started feeling held by a loving energy, a loving presence, something bigger than me, everything changed. It wasn't overnight, and it definitely wasn't fucking perfect. But the shift was evident.

You don't have to face it alone, because you're not alone. You never were. The illusion was that you were facing it alone.

What would change if you believed that, even for one day?

5. Trust is a muscle you build every day

Being afraid keeps us small. It keeps us in the same pattern, the same routine, the same thoughts, the same actions. But when you have the courage to face whatever you're worried about, that loving energy, Spirit, God, the divine, shows up tenfold.

And this is a muscle that's built daily. Conviction and trust don't happen overnight. It's a practice. Every day you wake up, you get to choose: am I radiating from fear or from trust?

The girl I used to be, lost in her fears and lost in the conviction that it wasn't going to work out for her, could have never imagined the life I'm living today. She couldn't even see it. She was blinded by fear and worry, and we talked about those blinders a couple of episodes ago.

The more you lean into the thing that scares you the most, the more your power grows.

So if you stopped trying to strip the fear away and leaned right into it, like David with the lion, what would your life look like a year from now?

How to Stop Living in Fear and Build Trust Every Day

Here's what I want you to actually take into your week. These are the questions I walk through in the episode, and you can do every one of them tonight, in the car or on a walk.

Step 1: Ask what you're absolutely certain about

Whatever comes up, that's your answer. This is a great journaling moment if you like to journal, but it's just as good to sit with it in the car or on a walk.

Step 2: Ask if it's serving you

Is that certainty rooted in fear or in trust? You don't have to fix it yet. Just notice it.

Step 3: Remember the last time you radiated

Maybe it was confidence, maybe it was love. When was the last time you felt that way, and what was present in that moment?

Step 4: Imagine something loving and powerful is working on your biggest fear for you

Name the worry that takes up the most space in your life, then imagine, even for a second, that something loving and powerful is handling it. Would that give you relief? Close your eyes and feel into it, so you're not so analytical.

Step 5: Choose what you're going to believe in today

Is that choice building your radiance, or making you small and stuck?

And one loving truth. You don't have to be fearless to do this. David wasn't. You just have to be willing to lean in. Ask yourself who you would have to become to trust at this level, then take one small step toward her.

Common Patterns to Watch For

• •Treating your worst-case certainty like a fact. When the thing you think is going to happen feels 100 percent true, it's worth asking what that certainty is rooted in.
• •Believing you're the only one standing between you and disaster. If you think no one else is there, you'll take on every outcome by yourself, and everything will look enormous.
• •Staying in the same pattern because it feels safer. Fear keeps you in the same routine, the same thoughts, and the same actions, and it keeps the life you want just out of reach.

None of this means you're broken. It means you've been rooted in something that was never true, and roots can change.

Reflect on This

• How do I stop living in fear?
• Why do I always expect the worst?
• Why do I feel so alone in my anxiety?
• What is the worry or fear that takes up most of the space in your life right now, and why are you worried about it?

I would love to hear. Send me a DM and tell me what you're absolutely certain about right now, and whether it's rooted in fear or in trust.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

• House of David, the series on Prime Video
• My Play in Your Radiance six-day challenge, which I created a few years ago around this exact idea
• My episode from a couple of episodes ago on the blinders of fear — Episode 80
• More episodes like this one on the FUCK Anxiety podcast page
• Your free tool: If your mind is already writing the worst case and your body is braced for it, start with the Free 5 Minute Nervous System Reset. It's something you can do the second the fear gets loud, so you can step out of the spiral before it takes the wheel.
• If you're ready to go deeper, let's map it out together. Book a Freedom Roadmap Session. No pitch. No pressure. Just clarity.

And if this episode met you where you are, do me a favor. Follow the show, download it, and leave a review on Apple Podcasts so another woman who feels exactly like you do can find it.

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You're not broken. You're not behind. And you're not alone. If you made it here, that means something.

love you, Sari