If you keep trying to think your way out of anxiety and it only makes it worse, this one is for you.
You play out every worst case. Plan B, plan C, plan D. What if this happens, then what? Somewhere deep down you believe that if you just worry hard enough, you'll finally find the way out. This week on FUCK Anxiety I'm talking about how to stop overthinking, why more worry never fixes it, and what to do instead.
I lived this for years. Every time I felt something in my body, I'd worry more and think worse thoughts, as if that was going to make it better. It's exactly why my panic attacks were so bad. This episode is me showing you the moment I finally understood it, standing on a pile of rocks in the middle of total chaos.
Let's get into it.
What You'll Learn in This Episode
- Why you can't worry your way out: and why worrying harder feels like it should work, especially as a mom
- How overthinking keeps you stuck at ground level: in the thick of the fear, where all you can see is more of the problem
- Why you can be certain it won't work out: having total certainty in your doubt, and none in what you actually want
- What anxiety won't let you see: how fight or flight narrows your focus and hides solutions that were always there
- Why overthinking makes anxiety worse: and why you can't fight fire with fire in a panic attack spiral
- The question that helped heal my panic attacks: what would the free version of me see?
- A guided visualization to rise above your anxiety: so you can see your situation from a new level of mind
Listen to the full episode here
Apple Podcasts
SpotifyTop Takeaways on Overthinking, Worry, and Anxiety
1. You can't worry your way out
Have you ever tried to solve a problem by worrying about it more? Like worrying harder is somehow going to fix it?
Not long ago my nephew, who's in kindergarten, had an accident at recess. He hit his head and had to go to the hospital for staples. And of course my sister was super, super worried. As a mom, you 100 percent worry about your child. As she should.
But when I talked to her, I gently reminded her that when she got to the hospital and saw him, changing her energy would actually help him more than the worry would. He ended up being totally fine.
We think worrying harder is going to fix it somehow. It feels like love. It feels like being responsible. But worry doesn't protect anyone. It just pulls you deeper into the fear.
When fear or panic hits, do you zoom in tighter and tighter until all you can see is the one thing that's wrong, with no way out?
2. The crowd didn't change. My view did.
A couple of months ago I was volunteering at a Joe Dispenza meditation retreat. During the outdoor walking meditations, the volunteers help make sure everyone is safe. I was placed at a crossing point, four corners where people were walking through.
Once everyone started walking, it got congested fast. People were going in every direction. And I'm five foot three, so not exactly the best for seeing over a crowd. It was hard to support anyone because I couldn't see who might need help.
On one side of the crossing there were some rocks. So I thought, maybe I should get up on these? And from up there, absolutely, I could see. I wasn't at ground level anymore. I had more of a bird's eye view.
And here's what hit me. It wasn't that it was so congested. It was just that I couldn't see well. The crowd below hadn't changed at all. The only thing that had changed was my perspective.
Our doubt, our fear, our worry, they all live at that ground level of congestion. In the thick of it. But when we can get to a higher level of mind, there are new outcomes, new potentials, and solutions that were always there. We just couldn't see them from inside the chaos.
3. Certain it won't work out? That's certainty in your doubt.
My intention at that retreat was to clear my doubts about how certain things could show up in my life. I wanted certainty that parts of my life could change.
But I couldn't stop doubting, because I'd never had the evidence that change was even possible. I had certainty in my doubt. But I didn't have certainty in what I actually wanted.
That's why those rocks were such a big deal for me. We can't change a problem from the level of mind it exists at. If I want something to change, but I'm seeing it through worry or fear, I'm not even going to be able to see the possibilities. I'm down at the level of the chaos, just like everyone crossing at those four corners.
So I have to ask, what would the solution see? What would not worrying see? What would trust see? Trust doesn't live at the level of doubt. You have to get above it to start seeing like someone who trusts.
Do you ever have so much certainty that this can't possibly work out, that you can't even imagine a different outcome?
4. What anxiety won't let you see
When you're in fight or flight, your nervous system narrows your focus on purpose. That's survival. That's the design. Your brain zooms in on the threat and blocks out everything else, because you have to run for your life.
Which is great if a bear is chasing you. It's not so helpful when the threat is your own doubt, your own thoughts.
I've talked about the grain of rice before. There are thousands of tiny grains of rice on the table, and we pick one, label it fear or doubt or chaos, and zoom in like we're staring at it under a microscope. We don't even realize there are hundreds of other grains that say joy, or peace, or bliss.
Doubt is like looking through binoculars before you focus them. Everything's blurry. And from that blurry ground level, we start looking for more evidence to validate the feeling. Where else can I find worry? Where else can I find fear? We've never had evidence that it can be different, so why would we believe it could be?
You can't see the rocks you could stand on when you're in survival.
5. You can't fight fire with fire
This is exactly how my panic attacks used to spiral. At their worst, instead of climbing the rocks and getting perspective, I fought worry with more worry. Fear with more fear. Panic with more panic.
You can't fight fire with fire. That's literally just more freaking out. You can only fight fire with water.
I needed a new level of mind. I just didn't know that was even an option. Nobody ever said to me, Sari, you're fighting fire with fire. What would you rather feel instead?
What ultimately healed my panic attacks was this. I didn't know exactly what I wanted, but I knew I wanted to feel free. Free of my anxiety. Free of my panic attacks. So instead of focusing on when the next panic attack might come, I focused on being free of them.
And I started asking, would the free version of me worry about all these what ifs? She wouldn't even be thinking about it. It's just not how she shows up.
The doubt is never the whole picture. It's just ground level.
How to Stop Overthinking: What to Do Instead of Worrying Harder
Here's what I want you to take into your week. You can do every one of these tonight, and the last one is the visualization I guide you through at the end of the episode.
Step 1: Notice when you're at ground level.
Catch the moment you start zooming in tighter and tighter, building the worst case. That's your signal that you're in the chaos, not that the chaos is the whole picture.
Step 2: Find the opposite feeling.
Whatever you're in right now, ask what you would rather feel instead. Freedom, peace, love, trust, curiosity. When I was at my worst, I couldn't even access joy, so freedom was the one I could feel. Pick the one that's reachable for you.
Step 3: Ask how that version of you would see it.
How would trust view this situation? How would peace view it? What would the free version of you worry about? Most of the time, the answer is she wouldn't be worrying about it at all.
Step 4: Rise above it.
Close your eyes and take a slow breath in through the nose, hold at the top, sip in a little more air, and slowly exhale. Bring to mind whatever has been at the forefront for you and notice how dense it feels at ground level. Then, like fog lifting, imagine yourself slowly rising above it. What looks different from up here? What felt so big that's actually small from this view?
Step 5: Ask what you'd tell a child.
If a child came to you feeling this exact feeling, what perspective would you want to give them? How would you help them feel better? Then give that to yourself.
And one loving truth. You don't have to reach the highest view available. Just a different one. Every time you rise a little above the chaos, you're showing your nervous system that there's another way to see.
Common Patterns to Watch For
- Treating worry like love or responsibility. Worrying harder can feel like you're protecting the people you love, but it mostly just keeps you, and them, in the fear.
- Analyzing the fear from inside the fear. It feels productive. It's really just more fire.
- Looking for evidence to prove the worry right. When you're at ground level, you'll keep finding more reasons to be afraid, because that's all you can see from down there.
- Waiting for proof before you'll trust a different outcome. If you've never seen evidence it can be different, of course you doubt it. Trust has to come first, and then you start to see the evidence.
None of this means you're broken. It means you've been trying to solve it from the same place it was created, and there's a higher view waiting for you.
Reflect on This
- How do I stop overthinking when I can't stop worrying?
- Why does overthinking make anxiety worse?
- Where in your life are you trying to think your way out of something, and it's only making it worse?
- If the freest, most loving, most at peace version of you looked at this situation, what would she see that you can't see right now?
I would love to hear. Send me a DM and tell me what looked different when you rose above it.
Does this resonate, and you want to share?
Resources Mentioned in This Episode
- The guided rise-above visualization, which starts at 16:13 in the episode
- Your free tool: When your mind is racing and you can't find the way out, start with the Free 5 Minute Nervous System Reset. It's a guided hypnotic meditation that gets your body out of fight or flight, so you can actually see again.
Work With Me
If you've been stuck at ground level, worrying harder and harder and still not finding the way out, you don't have to keep fighting fire with fire.
The visualization in this episode is just a piece of what I do in hypnosis. In 1:1 sessions we access completely new levels of mind, where fear isn't running the show. We build certainty, trust, and love from that higher place, and we rewire how your subconscious responds to everything.
What changes is what you can see. The situation might not be any different, but you are. New solutions, new possibilities, and new versions of yourself start showing up that were always there.
And if this episode met you where you are, do me a favor. Follow the show, download it, and leave a review on Apple Podcasts so another woman who feels exactly like you do can find it.
Episode Chapters
You're not broken. You're not behind. And you're not alone. If you made it here, that means something.
love you, Sari